Listening and Following the Adult

Children naturally want to connect to the adults in their lives. Obedience to these adults is a sign of natural and normal development in a child. Obedience, though, does not refer to an automatic and unthinking response to an order. Obedience, comes from the Latin, oboediere, meaning ''to listen to.'' When the relationship is built on trust, our children with on-track development should listen to us and choose to follow our requests.

For the child who is ''misbehaving,'' or not behaving in accordance to adult wishes, we need to recognize that we have a situation where a child has lost a vital link of trust with an adult in his or her world.

An obedient child listens for directions from a trusted adult and then chooses to follow that direction with trust based on previous positive experiences.

If our child is ignoring direction, he or she has veered off the path of normal development, and we must figure out what has caused this detour.

Carol, mother to three-year-old Matt, would tell Matt that is was time to go and then would continue talking for another 10 to 20 minutes. Carol thought nothing of it since she was from a family where it took that long to say good-bye. What Matt learned, though, was that when his mother said it was time to go, it really didn't mean anything in his immediate world. Carol had created a situation where Matt didn't believe what she was telling him.

Carol would say it was time for lunch, the cell phone would ring and lunch would be delayed for 10 to 20 minutes--an eternity to a three-year-old. Again, this was another learning experience that taught Matt to not pay attention to his mother's words.

At bedtime, Matt's father Jim would tell Matt to get ready for bed and continue to watch his television show. Day after day, inconsistencies between words and actions taught Matt that listening to his parents and following their leads were not coherent events.

Are we surprised when Matt begins to ignore his parents' direction and requests? Should we be surprised if Matt throws a temper tantrum when he's been told it is lunchtime and then has to wait for an undetermined amount of time? Should we be shocked if Matt, after being told for the fifth time that it's time to leave grandma and grandpa's but no one makes an effort to move to the door, cries when he is picked up and scolded because he didn't ''listen?''

As parents and teachers, if we ask our children to do something, we must realize the power we hold--the power to create a trusting relationship, or one of rebellion. Our children are born to connect positively to our adult words and actions. To create authentic relationships with our children, we must have integrity in our words and actions.

Our words and actions must guide our children to listen and choose to follow us based on the confidence of our leadership. That is true obedience, not blindly following an order.

Next week: Independence

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

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©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Power to Act From Real Choice

My husband likes to stop and indulge in an Italian dessert at our local gelato shop. On any given day there may be 30 different varieties of gelato on display. Untried flavors, such as mango/lime, are frequent. My husband usually asks to taste five or six flavors before deciding on two scoops. ''How can I make a choice unless I know what I'm choosing?'' he says when I wonder out loud why he feels a need to ''try'' so many flavors.

But it is true. Unless we have knowledge of what we are choosing, how can we choose? Without knowledge, a choice is more like a gamble or a lazy way to move to the next thing. Without knowledge, our decisions may place us in positions that we never imagined, and in which we may not want to be. Ordering the mango/lime gelato without a sample might have you wishing you ordered chocolate instead, or thinking that you threw your money away.

When we can choose something because we know we like it, we might even call the experience the beginnings of love.

Choice requires a series of experiences for all of us, child or adult.

When working with children we sometimes confuse the act of choosing to satisfy curiosity with the act of choosing based on knowledge and experience.

Choosing out of curiosity--like tasting samples at the gelateria--helps create knowledge and experience. Once we have knowledge and experience, we have a newfound power, the power to act from real choice. When we know that we like mango/lime, chocolate, strawberry and caramel pecan, we can act from a vantage point that allows true choice. Curiosity is factored out of our decision.

We should offer our children experiences as just that; experiences that can create knowledge that will allow them the power to act from real choice. Otherwise, our children's behavior may appear to be like running from toy to toy in a huge store, or like taking a bite of every chocolate in the box and never eating one.

Experience doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out affair. It can be like a taste sample at the ice cream store. We need to offer our children a wide variety of simple experiences with clear and accurate information, so they gain knowledge. Using the correct word for items--cardinal instead of red birdie--is one help. Offering small tastes of new foods is another. Giving a short demonstration on how to do a task, such as turning a page. Smells, textures, shapes, movement, sounds, temperatures are only a few areas of experience where small bits of information will help children gain precision.

The power to act from real choice begins with curiosity being satisfied with clear and accurate experiences. The knowledge gleaned from that will allow our children to truly choose what they like and like what they choose, in all aspects of their life, from activities to friends, to careers to vacations.

As well as in selecting a scoop of gelato.

Next week: Listening and Following the Adult

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
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©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

The Transformation of the Possessive Instinct

For the child under the age of seven years an indicator of on-track development is the sublimation of the possessive instinct. This transformation of the possessive instinct occurs when the child is given an environment where he or she has the right to use the materials as long as he or she wishes, while respecting others' right to do the same.

In the next stage of a child's development, from around 6 to 12 years, ''mine'' becomes an important concept as the child brings tools and toys for group activities. But for the younger child the materials in the environment are seen as community property, much like the way we think of a library. When we check out a book we can use it knowing that no one is going to ask for it back or take it from us until we are finished.

Our inner being knows when our needs are being met or unmet as the case may be. When needs are being met in the young child, the possessive instinct modifies, and we rarely hear the word ''mine'' coming from the young child.

The child's love of working alone, as discussed in last week's column, and being able to naturally develop the qualities inherent in normal and healthy development, transform this instinct to own individual items in the child's environment.

Parents over the years have asked me about the right age to get a pet for a child. My usual answer is, “Children are ready for a pet after they have kept a plant alive for a year.”

In the initial stages of taking care of a plant, a young child is in the first stage of gaining knowledge by simply learning the facts of life about the plant, sometimes through mishandling (which at this point is ignorance) of the plant. The child learns that: Plants need soil to grow. Plants have roots that need to be kept in the soil. Plants need water, sunshine and warmth. They need their leaves. They need their stems or trunks to be unbroken. They need to be protected from outside forces--rainstorms, snow, animals, insects, etc.

As the child gains knowledge of the plant, an understanding of the needs of the plant develops within the child, an understanding that we might also see as love. From this love comes a desire to serve the needs of the plant. The plant then thrives. From experience comes knowledge, then love and respect, and at last, a desire to be of service.

To the child, the plant goes from being ''my plant'' to ''the plant'' during this development of knowledge, love and service. The child doesn't need to ''own the plant'' once the ''need to know'' the plant is being satisfied. In normal development the child's interest in an object becomes one of seeking knowledge of the object versus having possession of it.

Knowledge, understanding, love and service create a sublimation of the possessive instinct in the child. That is the path of normal development for healthy human beings. When you see it in your child, you'll know that they'll be ready and able to take care of the dog.

Next week: Power to Act From Real Choice

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
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©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Love of Silence and Working Alone

The nature of the young child following natural and normal development is one that loves silence and working alone. Until children enter into a different stage of development, around the time that they lose their first tooth, this love of silence and working alone remains. The desire to be out in the community and working with others are characteristics of the elementary-aged child. These elementary-aged qualities, in many ways, remain for rest of our lives.

The young child is working on self-mastery of skills, and ''sharing'' or doing an activity with other children may frustrate and hamper the child's personal development. Young children appreciate quiet and are thrilled to hear the smallest sounds in silence--the drip of a faucet, a bird's chirp through a closed window, the rustle of paper in a breeze.

Love of silence. The young child is in a period of development of refining the senses, along with language, movement, social relations and understanding order. The child's sense of hearing is learning to differentiate among a multitude of sounds, and the child delights in learning to name each sound.

Three-, four- and five-year-olds enjoy the game, ''What's That Sound?'' To play, gather up 10 or so items that you can manipulate to create a noise (for example: clicking a pen, moving the teeth of a comb, crumpling a piece of paper, tapping a fork on a table, flicking a fingernail against a glass, opening and closing a clothespin, etc.). Invite your children to turn their backs to you. Tell them you're going to make a noise, and they should guess what it is. Make sure the room is as quiet as possible, with television and radio turned off. Make three or four sounds, and have the children guess. Ask them to turn around. Repeat the sound activities with the children watching, so they'll be able to decide for themselves if their guesses were correct. Do another three or four sounds, including any sound that was not guessed previously. After this game, children are usually calm and ready to do another quiet activity.

Love of working alone. Working alone connotes that there are others nearby, but the child is working on an activity alone, without interruption or interference of others. Working alone allows the child to think and analyze the activity in a way that suits his or her specific learning needs. The child loves being able to work through an activity without being told what to do by others.

My clearest memories of being a two-year-old are of quietly working alone. Try as I might, I cannot conjure up an image of my parents in these memories, thought I am certain they were in the next room. One memory contains a quiet room in the afternoon, and the sun is coming low and golden through the windows. I pour a drink from a bottle into a glass and then pour the liquid back into the bottle, over and over again. In my memory I feel a deep sense of satisfaction as I repeat the activity and don't spill a drop. At some point, the activity feels complete, and I eat some crackers and drink from the glass I've poured. This is one of my happiest memories, sitting by myself in the quiet doing something that most adults would have stopped. Goodness, I might have spilled and made a mess!

We need to be alert and protect a child's love and appreciation of silence and working alone. They are signs of healthy and natural development.

Next week: The Transformation of the Possessive Instinct

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
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©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Attachment to Reality

The almost four-year-old boy visiting my classroom was wonderfully verbal. He had just given me a detailed explanation about his family's move into their new home.

''What's your name?'' I asked.

''Batman,'' he answered.

''And what is your name when you're not Batman?'' I asked.

''Bruce Wayne,'' he answered.

His mother chuckled. ''Isn't that cute? James thinks he's Batman.''

James introduced himself to his classmates as Batman. Every activity became a Batman adventure for James. Wooden blocks became grenades against the invisible bad guys on the other side of the room. James as Batman was dangerous and unpredictable.

An attachment to reality is one of several outward signs that healthy learning is occurring in a child. James's behavior was a sign that his normal development had veered off track. James's fantasy of being Batman and imagining learning materials into fanciful objects, such as the Batmobile and the Batcave, indicated that James had run into a developmental obstacle.

The nature of obstacles is such that they can be difficult to figure out. Fantasy is often a call for more vocabulary and enriching experiences. To help the child reattach to reality we need to feed the child's mind with real objects and experiences that make the real more exciting than the imaginary.

Around the age of four-and-a-half, children experience a growth spurt, and legs grow longer. There also is a growth in vocabulary, and children, when given the opportunities, can learn upwards of 250 new words a week. At this age, as might be expected, a second language is usually of great interest to the child. When the need for intensive language is not met, children often begin to create fantasy worlds and imaginary friends to help keep the mind engaged, taking a detour from normal development.

I took James's fantasy object of Batman and connected it to a study of bats. A trip to the library armed me with lots of facts and pictures of bats. James and I studied bats, naming their parts of their bodies, delved into terms such as nocturnal, sound waves, amplitude, altitude, radar, insectivore and more. This study of bats led us into learning about other flying animals--birds and insects. Visits from Batman began to occur with less frequency and intensity.

The need to feel safe may be a component of superhero fantasies. I invited a police officer to the classroom for a 15-minute visit. Officer Joe told us about his job of keeping children safe. Officer Joe looked around the classroom, checking shelves and closets, and then he made the declaration that our classroom had no bad guys. I watched a look of relief come over James.

In a few weeks, I knew James was back on track when a new student entered the classroom, and James extended his hand, saying, ''Hello. My name is James. What's yours?''

Being a four-year-old boy is a very fine thing to be indeed. Better than being Batman. An attachment to reality shows development is on course.

Next week: Love of Silence and Working Alone

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing