Effective Skill Building

Research shows that learning new skills in the most efficient manner requires self-discipline and practice. That seems like common sense to most of us. Science is confirming that, yes, to get better you've got to make yourself sit at the piano and play those tunes and do those finger exercises. Every day.

Effective learning or skill building occurs when we can maximize these factors:

• We have the ability to focus our attention on the task at hand.
• We have control over the choice of the task.
• The task if meaningful to us, and we understand how to do it.
• We have adequate time to practice the task, which research shows to be 60 to 90 minutes per day.
• We control feedback, which is accurate and timely.
• We have the opportunity to repeat the task daily or many times per week.
• We have overnight rest between practice sessions.

Ability to focus. Learning to focus can be difficult with the distractions of everyday life. There may always be something more interesting than what someone else wants us to learn, which makes the next point critical.

Choice of the task. When we feel that we have control over what tasks we do and when we do them, we tend to learn more quickly. If we know we do better with math early in the morning when we are fresh, we'll learn more quickly if we can make the choice to do math in the morning.

Meaningful tasks. Haven't we all taken a class and wondered, ''When will I ever need to know this stuff?'' We learn more quickly when tasks connect to our everyday life and we understand how to do the task. Do you remember the first time you cracked an egg? Having a clear vision of how to perform the task helped. Meaningful? Doing it right meant the difference between scrambled and sunny-side up, or in the dish versus on the floor.

Adequate time. Research shows that children will stay on a learning task for 60 to 90 minutes if the task is meaningful, if the individual child has choice about the task and if the child is interested in the task. When these conditions are present for learning and the meaningful, chosen and interesting task is interrupted because of time constraints, learning goes down the tubes, and self-motivation takes a nosedive.

Learner-controlled feedback. We learn best when we get accurate feedback about our progress when we desire it. Self-correcting materials are ideal learning aids. Having the correct answers available immediately aids learning. Ever try to work a thousand-piece puzzle without looking at the picture? It's probably ten times easier to put it together with a picture because you get the timely and accurate feedback needed to figure out the puzzle.

Daily repetition. People who excel in an area know that they need to be involved in meaningful tasks everyday to grow and maintain skills and knowledge. We need to make sure we allow the time every day to take on the challenge of learning.

Overnight rest. As many college graduates will confess, you can't cram a semester's worth of learning into a one-day event. Study an hour a day for 12 days, and you'll learn more Anatomy 304 than 12 hours in one day. Daily repetition and overnight rest is one reason schools and businesses run on a five-day-a-week schedule. It helps people learn and grow.

Understand and use these seven points to aid effective learning in your children's and your personal development.

Next Week: Ask Children For What You Want

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

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©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

A Thank-You Walk

''I'm worried that my four- and six-year-old will be spoiled. They have such a great life--plenty of love, food, toys and money. I want them to be thankful for what they have,'' Melinda said.

Melinda understood that helping her children cultivate an attitude of gratitude was important to her children's present and future happiness. Too many parenting magazines today feature advertisements with well-dressed children who appear bored and pouty, lacking excitement and engagement with life. Melinda didn't want that kind of person living in her house.

Expressing thanks and gratitude is a trait that leads to happiness, and we need to help our children learn how to give thanks. I mentioned to Melinda that I'd come across an idea that I hadn't personally used but sounded intriguing, a thank-you walk.

The suggestion for the walk was to take your children out and express thanks for items you come along in your journey. The adult models gratefulness and challenges the children to look at the world with eyes of thankfulness.

I thought this game could be particularly poignant on those grumpy days when appreciation has flown out the window. Get out on a walk and find it!

Melinda reported a few weeks later that her family had taken a Sunday afternoon thank-you walk. After the walk they came back home and drew pictures and recapped their thanks on a list that went on the refrigerator. Melinda shared the list with me.

We're thankful for…

• Our raincoats
• Our rain boots
• The sidewalk
• That our neighbor has pretty flowers in her yard
• That trees have leaves we can jump in
• That apples grow on trees
• That we can climb in trees in our backyard
• That we have arms and legs to climb
• That we have a cool fort in our backyard
• That we have a dog
• That we can walk to the park
• That we can meet grandma and grandpa at the park
• That grandma makes pies and always has ice cream
• That grandpa bought me a building kit
• That I have a shelf in my room for my building kits
• Worms
• Ladybugs
• Bees
• Hummingbirds
• Robins
• Clouds
• The sun
• Rainbows
• My brother
• My mom and dad

Melinda was pleased how her boys joined in with enthusiasm in finding things for which to be thankful. An attitude of gratitude is worth cultivating. All you have to do is look around.

Next Week: Effective Skill Building

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Why Don't We Listen Better?

The hostess at the dinner party asked me question after question, keeping me actively engaged in conversation.

The next day I realized I had done most of the talking. But I thought my new friend was the most fascinating person in the world. Why?

Because she listened to me.

Learning to listen with interest to others is a powerful tool. Listening for understanding connects you to people like nothing else. Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People said it well when he advised us to speak in terms of the other person's interests.

If listening connects us so powerfully to other people, why don't we listen better?

We have too such stuff in the way. Most of that stuff is called…ego.

Too often we want the conversation to be about us. Take the instance when someone confides in us. What do we do? Instead of listening for understanding we offer advice. We give our opinion. We tell a story of how we went through a situation that was even worse. We blame. We insult. We criticize. We punish. We make judgments and diagnose. We interject our own needs, emotions and values into the scenario.

In the process, we block and most likely destroy any opportunity for true listening. All our conversation partner needs is for us to listen to them without judging, criticizing, complaining or evaluating. They want us to be interested in them. Conversely, when it is our turn to talk, we want to be listened to in a way that makes us feel understood.

In his book Why Don't We Listen Better?, Jim Petersen shows us a simple method to take turns and make serious listening into a win-win game while avoiding the compulsion to defend or inflate our egos.

In any relationship there has to be an active and a passive role. Actors need an audience. Chefs need gourmands. Pitchers need batters. When an actor sits in the audience, he shouldn't act. When the chef is dining out she shouldn't march to the kitchen and try out a new recipe. When the pitcher is at bat, he best swing at the ball.

A talker needs a listener. A listener requires a talker. As in any relationship it is best to know what role you are playing at the time, and the rules and expectations that go with that role. Petersen helps us define these roles and gives us a tool for helping all parties be in tune with the responsibilities of effective communication.

The Talker. The talker's role is to take ownership of the problem because the talker is most concerned with the situation. The talker's job is to share his or her feelings and thoughts without accusing, labeling, judging or attacking others.

The Listener. The listener's role is to be calm enough to hear and comprehend what the talker is saying. The listener does not own the problem and therefore avoids agreeing or disagreeing with the items being discussed. The listener refrains from advising or defending a point of view. The listener's job is to provide a safe environment for the speaker, to seek to understand and to ask questions to clarify information in order to understand.

Worth the purchase price of the book is Petersen's tabletop Talker/Listener card. This tent card helps defines each communication role and the rules for that role. In red and blue for everybody to see.

The talker asks if the listener is able to listen and places the card between them. When the talker is finished, he or she simply turns the card and says, ''I'm finished talking. Your turn to talk. My turn to listen.'' Instead of confrontation, communication becomes a game.

Like a pitcher coming up to bat, we need to remember that listeners need an opportunity to talk. For effective communication, we need to know how to listen and how to talk.

Each of us--kids from one to 92--needs to be heard. It can happen when we learn to listen better, and take turns.

Next Week: A Thank-You Walk

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Children Love Quiet

Somehow between Madison Avenue and Hollywood, and all the places where kiddie culture is fed, we're given the view that children are rowdy and eternally needing to be entertained.

Picture a scene of children getting out from school. What do you imagine? More than likely it's children shouting and running from the school building.

Though the movies would have us believe otherwise, children actually love quiet.

The portrayal of children in our popular culture tends to overly emphasize hyperactivity and hyper-noise. Children require movement and appropriate, yet creative, methods to express themselves, which unfortunately, are not readily given. If we, as adults, had to do what some children must everyday, we'd be portrayed as running out of buildings screaming at the top of our lungs.

Our world is a noisy place, and most of us haven't learned how to move softly through space. Years ago, after a function in our church fellowship hall, the volunteer clean-up crew began to drag chairs and tables across the room in order to place them in storage racks. The rumble deafened. Screeching metal legs against the linoleum made chalkboards and fingernails seem melodic.

My daughters covered their ears, wondering out loud, ''Why don't they carry the chairs quietly?''

''Because, '' I said, ''I don't think anybody's shown them how.''

My daughters looked at each other quizzically. As if on cue, they each picked up an end of a table and carried it across the room. As they moved across the floor, the noisy volunteers stopped to see youngsters carrying a six-foot table, quietly. Very quietly indeed.

Our children love quiet, but as the church volunteers demonstrated, we neglect to show them how to move quietly, how to appreciate the quiet and how to listen.

Children enjoy a listening game where everyone gets quiet for about two minutes, which is a very long time for three- and four-year-olds, and for some 34-year-olds, too. I'd set an hourglass-type egg timer in the middle of our group to give the children a focal point and concept of how much longer they should sit and listen. In the quiet the children heard each other sigh, squirm and change positions. In short the children became aware of how a simple movement disrupts the mood of the group. At the end of the two-minute period, I would go around the group and ask each child what they heard as they listened.

Without exception, the children were amazed at what they could hear. Birds outside even though all the doors and windows were shut. Cars at the stop sign a block away. A fire truck leaving the station a mile away. The rumble of a train. The neighbor's tractor or leaf blower. The refrigerator. The heat clicking on. The air going through their noses. The clock ticking in the adjoining room. The faucet dripping in the bathroom. In the quiet the children listened.

After this five- to ten-minute listening exercise the children appeared more confident and controlled in their actions, left the group lesson with tranquil smiles and worked the rest of the morning with deeper concentration than before the lesson.

Children love quiet. All they need is to learn how to listen and to be heard. Just like the rest of us.

Next Week: Why Don't We Listen Better?

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing