Geek or Greek?

The ancient Greeks taught that there are three basic types of appeals one uses to influence an audience: ethos, pathos and logos.

Ethos is the call for a sense of ethics, a request for a person to engage a sense of right and wrong. Ethos involves the speaker's basic credibility, integrity and competency, along with the amount of trust others place in the speaker's ethics.

Pathos considers the emotional aspect of a debate. The speaker seeks his listener's empathy and communicates understanding of what his listener feels and needs. The speaker is concerned with how the listener views the situation, as well as what the listener might request as a solution or remedy.

Logos is the logical and thinking part of an appeal. The speaker uses reason to persuade the listener to the speaker's point of view.

In gathering the information to speak about the ethical, emotional and logical components of an idea, a speaker must do his or her homework.

An effective speaker requires the listener's trust. To gain that trust, the speaker interviews audience members before speaking to ascertain the listener's feelings, needs and requests important to the matter being discussed. The speaker also shows how a certain point of view or course of action runs to its logical conclusion.

The Greeks used their knowledge of ethos, pathos and logos not to dominate others but to gain consensus and develop common ground. The goal of oratory, in the Greeks' minds, was a vibrant community.

After thousands of years this basic model of the Greeks endures and produces success, if we take the time to create each component of understanding.

To be a help to others, we first must model trustworthiness. Next, we seek to see the world from another's point of view, considering feelings, needs and requests to better the life of the community, organization or individual. The third step requires us to follow these requests to their logical and natural conclusions in order to understand the impact of the change requested.

Through undertaking this process of ethos, pathos and logos, we earn the right to speak in an effort to gain consensus. When we try to shortcut the process, by omitting one type of appeal or by not doing the prerequisite work, we can find our efforts to create change met with resistance.

Our children require the same application of ethos, pathos and logos that the rest of the world requires.

If we forbid our children to eat sweets but hide a box of chocolates in our underwear drawer, what have we done to the ethos in our relationship?

If we don't seek to truly understand our children's feelings, needs and requests, where is our pathos?

If we demand our children to do something because ''I said so,'' sidestepping the explanation of logical or natural consequences, how do we help the intellectual pursuit of logos?

Without ethos, pathos and logos used in concert, our efforts to guide and lead, even a three-year-old, become ineffectual. Our adult/child relationship becomes fraught with rebelliousness, disrespect and distrust. The Greeks showed us how to build agreement by considering the ethical, emotional and rational components of human beings.

Ethos, pathos and logos. We can lead or falter. Greek or Geek. Our choice.

Next week: The Seeds of Passion

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

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©2008 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

I and Thou

In the creation of successful relationships, there are two essential elements: giving and taking. In quality relationships, each party gives more than he or she takes, providing each person in the relationship a stockpile of positive experiences and memories. This abundance allows us mistakes without dire consequences during times of change and growth in a relationship.

Understanding, keeping promises, honesty, kindness, win-win thinking, clear expectations, loyalty, forgiveness, apologies and effective communication strengthen the bonds of the relationship and create a surplus of goodwill to help weather the storms of life.

A relationship begins with the first gift of a word, thought or deed, as we realize the world is not all about ''me'' and ''my.'' We need to come to the process of relationship building with reverence for the potential of each person, humility and acknowledgement that caring for another person is not always easy, along with awareness that there may not be payback in the relationship.

With our giving to another, we create a relationship that Martin Buber, the Austrian philosopher, called ''Ich und Du,'' translated as ''I and Thou.'' Modern English lacks a counterpart to the word ''du,'' meaning ''you'' in a context of a close one-on-one relationship of family members and long-term friends.

Buber pointed out that we have two basic types of relationships in our world--connection with individuals or associations with objects. Difficulties ensue when we objectify our personal relationships or personalize our connections to objects.

We see examples of relationships being objectified with the employer who knows nothing about his or her employees. Or the mother who doesn't want her three-year-old to kiss her because it will smudge her make-up or muss her outfit. Or the father who spends more time on the golf course or in front of his TV than with the people he purportedly loves.

The ''Ich und Du,'' the ''I and Thou,'' in these relationships has been misplaced or replaced. Respect for the worth and potential of the people in key relationships is lost. Relationships become ''I and Me,'' ''I and Them'' or ''I and It.'' The critical ''I and Thou'' disappears.

Relationship building begins with the first gift of a word, thought or deed. The children in our relationships arrive ready to give. Children come to us with a natural reserve of understanding, forgiveness, honesty and loyalty. Otherwise we'd all never get over being stuck with diaper pins.

What, then, are the adult's gifts to the child to create ''I and Thou?'' Keeping promises, creating clear expectations for behavior, apologizing when we are wrong and developing effective way to communicate, all done with kindness and compassion, are the gifts of the adult.

The essential human relationship of ''I and Thou'' begins with a look, a look of mutual respect for the potential of every human being--adult or child. That is a gift.

Next week: Geek or Greek?

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
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©2008 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Build Relationships with Frequent Deposits

Relationship building is work, and our relationships and the trust in those relationships are in constant change. We maintain and deepen our relationships with regular acts of kindness, consideration, appreciation and service.

Every act of building a relationship is as if we are making a deposit into a savings account. We increase our balance by giving a person a compliment, a kind word or doing a thoughtful deed.

We deplete our relationship accruals by trying to manipulate others, being unkind or discourteous, breaking promises, being self-serving, lying and holding grudges, to name a few types of ''withdrawals.'' When we let our ego, arrogance, pride, impatience, need for control, self-centeredness and need be right become more important than the other person, we'll find ourselves confronted with a severely overdrawn relationship balance. We can bankrupt the relationship by taking more out of the relationship than we put into it.

To maintain a healthy relationship we need to make regular and frequent deposits, preferably daily (that daily interest adds up quickly) into our relationship accounts.

How can we make deposits? ASK. Appreciation. Service. Kindness. Ask yourself, and the other person in the relationship, these questions: What can I do to show you that I appreciate you? How can I serve to enrich your life? How can I show you kindness?

Children might have a hard time telling us how they want to be appreciated, how to enrich their lives and how to show them kindnesses, but ask anyway. You might get some interesting and valuable feedback.

A preschool class discussion about acts of kindness yielded some of these responses:

A five-year-old student said she knew her father loved her because he always put the peanut butter up to the very edge of her sandwich.

A three-year-old said his night-light from his grandmother made him feel loved.

A four-year-old girl said going to get an ice cream cone with her dad, by herself, was her favorite thing to do.

When asked what they did to make others feel loved, some answers follow:

I eat my spaghetti without crying.

I put my pajamas on by myself.

I kiss my momma.

I help my sister when she falls down.

I say ''peas'' and ''tank you.''

It is in our daily acts of appreciation, service and kindness that our relationships grow and the dividends multiply.

Ask your children two questions: What do I do that makes you feel loved? What do you do to make me feel loved?

Expect accelerated compound interest in a terrific investment.

Next week: I and Thou

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2008 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Seven Traits That Can Destroy Lives

Ever notice how a word, a phrase, a quote or a book title keeps popping up? Over the past couple of years the following Gandhi quote keeps showing up in my studies. Every time I read these seven statements I am astounded at the wisdom conveyed in so few words.

Gandhi is attributed with saying that these seven characteristics are the most spiritually perilous traits to humanity:

• Wealth without work
• Pleasure without conscience
• Knowledge without character
• Commerce without morality
• Science without humanity
• Worship without sacrifice
• Politics without principles

There are natural laws of physics, and if we choose to ignore the laws of gravity, thermodynamics or centrifugal motion, we risk dire consequences. We'll fall, get burned or be thrown off the merry-go-round.

If we choose to ignore universal principles of human relations, we also put our lives at risk. In these seven lines Gandhi points out that the journey is more important than the destination, and that the means of our activities are as vital as the ends.

Wealth without work. When we don't allow our children to experience the direct result of their labor, or the labor of others, we do them a disservice. Knowing how to sweep and mop a floor gives us an appreciation of a clean floor. A college freshman I know was shocked to learn he had to wash his own clothes. He had never considered, or appreciated, how his clothes appeared clean in his closet. Luxury without understanding the labor that achieved it is a dangerous way to live.

Pleasure without conscience. The by-product of learning is the fun that comes from learning. The reason to learn is in the sheer pleasure of knowing. When we seek pleasure without doing the work of obtaining knowledge, pleasure becomes an unsatisfying deed that can lead us into a life of searching for self-gratification instead of seeking its true source, knowledge.

Knowledge without character. We can be the most knowledgeable people in the world, but if others think we are jerks and don't want anything to do with us, what good is knowledge? Knowledge is for the benefit of mankind, and without character, it benefits no one.

Commerce without morality. Or business without ethics. If we conduct our work without regard to how it affects the lives of others, we walk on thin ice. A quick read through the Wall Street Journal affirms Gandhi's statement.

Science without humanity. Science, the observation of the world in order to create knowledge, needs at its core to be of service to mankind. In the words of Albert Schweitzer, ''I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.''

Worship without sacrifice. Whatever we value in our lives, whatever we worship, we revere, we love--our families, our children, our spouses, our friends, our planet, our God--we must give these what they need to survive and be successful. Love and relationships do not exist without the giving of our being.

Politics without principles. We cannot chart a course for our communities without using the laws of universal principles to guide us. How can we otherwise make sure that there is ''liberty and justice for all?'' Building community requires that we discuss and debate what is fair, respectful, honest, kind, right, trustworthy, responsible and more. Gandhi warns us that rules not based on sound principles turn to conflict and violence.

As we walk with our children though this adventure called life, let us heed Gandhi's admonitions. As a means to our ends, let us reach our goals guided by universal principles. Because in their hearts of hearts, our children understand that the ends and the means are inseparable.

Next week: Build Relationships with Frequent Deposits

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2008 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Three Gifts of the Human Being

From birth we are given at least three gifts to create positive change in our lives. When these gifts are nurtured, we can become the creative force in our own lives. The gifts allow us to become the writer, the director and the actor in the production called ''Our Life.''

Choice. From the beginning, choice is a part of our human make-up. It is this innate ability to choose that which leads us to positive growth and happiness. Between stimulus, what happens to us, and response, how we act, there is a space. Contained in that space is our freedom and our power to choose our response to any circumstance.

The more we practice choosing, the more confident we become in our ability to make positive decisions that lead to a life well-lived. Having the ability to choose is given to us, and we always have a choice for our response. We strengthen our skill by exercising our gift of being able to choose. It is with our choices that we write our script.

Natural laws and universal principles. The natural laws and universal principles that govern our lives are another present given to us. These laws and principles direct our lives, whether we are aware of them or not.

There are physical laws, such as gravity, the rotation of the earth and the earth's motion around the sun, to name only a few. Principles of human behavior, such as kindness, respect, honesty, personal integrity and service to mankind, operate constantly in every culture on our planet.

Physical laws guide our actions because we cannot change the forces that are exerted on us. We choose to ignore the force of gravity at our own peril. We can't stop day turning into night, or the earth from moving through the universe. Physical laws control the consequences of our physical choices.

Likewise, we ignore universal principles with dangerous results. Choosing to use principles, such as respect, kindness and trust, enables us to tap into a moral authority to guide our lives through many hazards. If we choose to make decisions and place value in our life on activities not based on universal principles that are self-evident, factual, objective and impersonal, well, we will have a hard row to hoe.

Universal principles direct our lives with objective cause and effect. Disregard principles of human behavior, and the effects can seem very personal and subjective. When we are cognizant of these underlying principles of life, we are more likely to make wise choices.

Inborn intelligence. Our third gift is ourselves: our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our spirits. We might say we are comprised of four distinct intelligences: physical, social/emotional, mental and spiritual. How we choose to use our talents depends on the tools, people, ideas and natural surroundings in which we find ourselves. Our intelligences allow us to act on our choices and principles.

Each of us is given three gifts: choice, physical and spiritual laws that are objective, factual, impersonal and self-evident, along with the innate intelligence to act on our choices and values. As adults, let us recognize our gifts, so we can help our children understand and fully utilize these natural endowments.

Next week: Seven Traits That Can Destroy Lives

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2008 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing