Finding Seeds of Appreciation and Gratitude

In our worst traits lay the seeds of our best traits.

In those moments when we criticize behavior, we have an opportunity. If we take the time to shift our perception and look for the positive in the situation, we will find a quality to appreciate.

In those moments when we might be critical, we can make a conscious choice to react to the world in a different way. Instead of feeling irritable and angry while looking for evidence to justify our feelings, we can ask ourselves, ''What can I appreciate in this situation? What am I thankful for? How can I express my gratitude?''

Our criticism of others sometimes reflects our intolerance for our own shortcomings.

Pet peeves. We all have them. We can either feed our pet peeves or delve into these annoyances to discover the seeds of a positive trait.

Being hit with a grocery cart in the checkout line used to be one of my pet peeves. Pushy people inching their carts closer and closer in the narrow aisle as my groceries moved toward the cashier drove me crazy. Bumping me more than once as I attempted to write a check was the ultimate annoyance.

As I pushed my bags to the car, I inwardly fumed, ''Can you believe that person! Who does he think he is? Why couldn't he keep his cart back ten inches for ten more seconds! Harrumph!''

In some of my studies I came across the idea that perhaps I was critical of my fellow shopper because he reflected my own impatience. My pet peeves were me, reflected back to me. Very interesting.

Next shopping trip, I resolved to be more patient and to not to be in a hurry to get out of the store. As part of my experiment, I offered my place in line to the person behind me. ''Please go next. I'm not in a hurry.''

The person following me, instead of pushing their cart forward, stayed a respectful distance back. The shopper in front of me expressed appreciation and kindness.

After this venture, instead of feeling like a bruised and harassed shopper, I left the store feeling kind and appreciated by the other folks in line.

In this way, I discovered that one of my less desirable characteristics, impatience, held the seed to one of my finer traits, kindness.

In our criticism of our children, let us look at their behavior in such a way so that we can discover the seed of their positive features or strengths.

When we see messiness, perhaps we can look for creativity, spontaneity or imagination and appreciate those qualities.

When we think our children are rude, perhaps we might see the seeds of assertiveness, shyness, expressiveness or honesty, and then we might help them express those qualities in a positive manner.

When we are irritated by noise or constant requests for attention from our children, let us consider appreciating their lovingness, their energy, their enthusiasm, their strength and their humor.

Look for the seeds of positive qualities at those times when you might be thinking, ''Why does he have to do that!''

Here are a few positive qualities where you might consider placing your appreciation: Energetic, Honest, Loyal, Intelligent, Brave, Sensitive, Thoughtful, Cheerful, Gracious, Playful, Caring, Exciting, Committed, Active, Adventurous, Responsible, Reliable, Resourceful, Athletic, Funny, Calm, Assertive, Understanding, Creative, Affectionate, Interesting, Honest, Kind, Friendly, Protective, Gentle, Generous, Strong, Coordinated, Graceful, Diligent and Trustworthy.

Research shows that giving people five bits of honest and earned appreciation per day creates strong and supportive relationships. Next time you feel critical, take the time to identify the finer qualities that are hidden in the situation. Express your appreciation for these traits with a simple ''thank you.'' Remember, the seed we feed grows.

Next week: 10,000 Steps

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

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©2007 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Teaching Transcendence

Transcendence refers to the universal virtue that consists of the ability to express an appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humor and spirituality. Positive psychologists see these characteristics as being part of 24 personality strengths that create healthy and happy people.

The virtue of transcendence helps us create connections to everything in the universe. These connections in turn help us create meaning and understanding in our lives. William Blake in his ''Auguries of Innocence'' wrote:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

It is the power of transcendence that helps us connect a grain of sand to eternity. With our observations and understanding we begin to notice beauty and appreciate excellence in all aspects of the world.

No matter how modest our circumstances, we can learn to see the beauty that surrounds us. It is this ability to see the wonder-filled, the awe-inspiring and the miraculous that helps give our life meaning and sustenance.

Developing an attitude of gratitude creates another character strength. Being thankful for our lives, the people in our lives, our experiences, our comforts and even our tough times creates a resiliency in our character. This resiliency sustains us during the times that our lives on this planet are not going as expected. Taking time to express thanks to those around us and to a higher power will develop an inner strength that is not easily diminished.

The ability to laugh and make others laugh, to see the humor in a situation, to see the sunny side of the street when walking in the shadows--these are skills that keep us from being swallowed by self-pity. If human beings couldn't laugh, the universe would be sucked into a black hole. Cultivating a sense of humor, as they say, is the best medicine.

Hope and optimism are habits we all should practice and learn. Believing and working everyday to better ourselves and our world creates a life-affirming positive attitude that is difficult to extinguish no matter the hardship. As an old English adage says, ''Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. And be happy with whatever you get.''

The character strength of spirituality, or holding beliefs about having a higher purpose in the scope of the universe, creates success and inner peace. Hallmarks of happy and resilient people are the ability to feel a connection with a higher power, along with having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

As we nurture our children let us remember to stop and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us. Let's help children learn how to show thanks for their lives and everything in it. Let's teach them how to laugh at themselves and to see the humor in a situation. When times get tough, let's display a spirit of hope and optimism, by pointing the way to the future. Last, but not least, let us show our children that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Next week: Curing the Gimme's

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2007 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Teaching Temperance

Temperance, one of the universal virtues, is comprised of personal strengths that protect against excess. Studies by positive psychologists indicate that strengths in forgiveness and mercy, humility and modesty, prudence and self-regulation help us temper our thoughts and actions.

Mohandas Gandhi lived a life of temperance. Gandhi gave us the example of how temperance is a way to change the world. The study of his life can show us ways to strengthen our own character to avoid the excesses that would create a life of unhappiness.

Being able to show forgiveness and mercy to others when you have been dealt with badly shows strength of character. It takes a strong person to forgive a misdeed and not fall into the trap of revenge. It takes strength to accept the shortcomings of others. It takes confidence in your strength to give people a second chance when they have fallen short of expectations. As Gandhi said about seeking revenge, ''An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.''

Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves, seeking the worth of every person and being able to see each person's uniqueness in the grand scheme are the attributes of humility and modesty. To be humble and to be modest in today's jargon seem to mean being easily imposed upon or submissive. True humility and modesty are terms used for servant leadership. In effective leadership, you lead by showing patience and gentility in helping others, even though you may be better educated or wealthier than those around you. Humility and modesty show a character strength that is at the core of leaders.

Being attentive to possible hazards or risks and planning for the future are the fruits of being prudent. The word ''prudence'' comes from the word providence, meaning to plan ahead or having foresight. Today calling someone a prude is a derogatory term instead of referring to a person of strength and foresight. The strength of having prudence is that one is careful about one's choices, doesn't take unnecessary risks and avoids saying or doing things that might cause hardship to oneself or others later.

Exhibiting control over one's emotions, thoughts and actions is another distinguishing characteristic of temperance. Learning to control one's moods and appetites becomes inner strength. Being able to make yourself do something you might not want to do, while knowing that in the end it is the best course of action, is the hallmark of inner or self-discipline. Being able to self-regulate gives us the ability to meet our goals and objectives in life.

Gandhi told us, ''You must be the change you seek in the world.''

If we want to help our children to have character strengths to live in a world where life is not lived an eye for an eye, we must model the self-control, the foresight, the servant leadership and the forgiveness we seek in the world.

For more information about positive psychology, go to www.authentichappiness.com.

Next week: Teaching Transcendence

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2007 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Teaching Justice

Justice, a universal virtue described by positive psychologists as necessary for a happy life, is comprised of the character strengths of citizenship, fairness and leadership. Vibrant community life is dependent on the civic strengths and skills of its members.

The job of citizenship brings with it a need for social responsibility, loyalty and teamwork. A friend, a new American citizen, wrote, ''I am determined in helping this country become as great as it should be according to the morals established in its constitution.'' Would that all of us could have this attitude of loyalty, obligation and teamwork towards the good of all people.

To be strong citizens we need to have robust interpersonal skills. We need to be able to work well as part of a team or as a member of a group. We need to do our share and not say, ''That's somebody else's job.'' We need to participate in the goal setting and objectives of our groups, and we need to work to see that the agreed upon ideas become physical reality despite whatever difficulties occur. The word ''loyal'' derives from the words legal and law, which in turn mean ''that which is laid down.'' The idea of citizenship originated with the concept that we come together as a group and decide what we need to do for the common good and then pledge our part, our loyalty, to make it happen.

Fairness is part of justice. ''Fair,'' with its roots in Old English words for lovely and pleasant, connotes that when things are done fairly the situation turns out pleasant for all involved. To help make things ''lovely,'' though, takes a dispassionate and objective mind to determine how to handle conflict in a manner that is consistent with a group's rules, logic and ethics. Sorting through the issue to determine fairness to all concerned is usually not considered a pleasant or ''fair'' task. Being fair, however, is an essential component of the civic strengths that create justice.

Leadership skills determine the level of justice in a community. Strong leaders know how to encourage others to get important tasks completed. At this same time, strong leaders manage and maintain good relationships and respect within the organization. Strong leaders recognize problems readily and address each issue by organizing their groups to discuss and remedy the situation. Strong leaders have the determination to see these solutions to fulfillment.

Skills in citizenship, fairness and leadership all begin at home. Family is where we first practice working with others, being loyal to a group and doing one's share. It is in our families that we begin to learn about making situations fair and pleasant to everyone in the group. It is in our homes that we model and learn leadership by encouraging each family member to do tasks important to the group, by maintaining good relations within the group and by organizing group activities and making sure that they occur.

If we want to see justice in the world, we need to realize it begins at home.

Next week: Teaching Temperance

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2007 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Teaching Humanity

The core virtue of humanity is comprised of the character strengths of love, kindness and social intelligence.

Humanity is the ability to see the connectedness of all human beings; it is the ability to help and befriend others.

One of the gifts of human beings is our ability to love. We love our families. We love our friends. We love our community, our nation and our world. It is love that motivates us to help others, to design, to create and to serve other people. The ability to love and use love to meet others' needs is a distinctly human attribute.

Kindness involves doing good deeds to help other people. With kindness, we take care of other people, thinking of their comfort and needs, possibly before our own. Kindness as a strength makes us generous and compassionate towards others. People who have this personal attribute have discovered that in the long term it is more productive to be kind than right. People with kindness as a strength have discovered that with kindness you can change the heart of an issue in a way that debating or fighting never can. William Wordsworth, the English poet (1770 - 1850) said:

''That best portion of a good man's life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.''

It is the little kindnesses that are remembered and stored in the heart and mind. Kindness is the stuff that makes us human and defines our humanity.

Social intelligence comes into play in the growth of our humanity. To be socially intelligent we have to be aware of our own motives and emotions, as well as knowing about the feelings and desires of others. We need to be socially flexible, by realizing what to do in different social circumstances. Being socially aware and being positively engaged with others creates a well-being in us. Positive engagement helps us express love and kindness and places value on close relations with others.

When psychologists studied the top ten percent of people who rated themselves ''very happy'' they found that those people spent the least time alone and the most time socializing. The fewer the number of social contacts a person has, the greater the risk for depression and ill health.

When we can express our humanity through love, kindness and positive interaction with other people, we become happier, healthier and better humans.

One might see the research as indicating that we need to practice certain skills everyday to develop our humanity. Express our love and concern for others. Do kind deeds. Interact positively with other people.

When we can help our children learn to turn their random acts of kindness into intentional acts of kindness, perhaps true humanity will flourish in our world.

Next week: Teaching Justice

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2007 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing