Teaching Courage

Courage, as one of the core virtues recognized in the field of positive psychology, incorporates four character strengths—bravery, persistence, integrity and vitality. Courage is the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear or difficulties with self-possession, confidence and resolution.

How do we help our children develop these strengths that are called courage?

Bravery is the ability to do what you think is right even if it risks personal injury or sacrifice. Our Founding Fathers exhibited bravery by signing the Declaration of Independence, knowing that the ink at the bottom of the page was a death warrant for treason against the British Crown.

Most of us don't have to ''pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.'' Being brave means being true to yourself. The phrase, ''Sei brav'' in German translates literally as ''be good.'' When we are brave, we are good to ourselves by facing our fears and living our dreams. Everyday we practice bravery by living our lives in a manner that reflects our values, character and aspirations.

Persistence is the ability to get up from being knocked down one more time than anybody else. It is the ability to hold firmly and steadfastly to a purpose or undertaking despite obstacles, warnings or setbacks. Does it sound a lot like bravery and being true to yourself?

Calvin Coolidge had something to say about persistence. ''Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.''

Integrity
Integrity comes from the word integer meaning whole. We have integrity when what we say and do is in synch with our personal beliefs and values. People with integrity ''walk their talk.'' People with integrity take personal responsibility for their lives and don't blame others for disappointments or obstacles. People with integrity feel whole because they possess self-awareness while connecting to a higher purpose.

Vitality
People with vitality bring enthusiasm and energy to whatever task they are doing, however trivial. Vital people exude positive expectations. They focus on opportunities instead of mistakes. They realize that personal growth and challenge cannot flourish in an overprotected environment. A person with vitality is more concerned with growth and development than perfectionism.

To strengthen bravery, persistence, integrity and vitality in our children, we must turn discouragement into encouragement in four critical ways.

1. We have to show confidence in our children's abilities by giving them responsibility, asking for their opinions or advice and avoiding the temptation to overprotect or rescue them from difficulties.

2. We need to focus on our children's strengths by acknowledging what they do well, by redirecting strengths to positive outcomes, by concentrating on improvement versus perfection and by coaching and cheering as progress is made. Encouragement always works better than fear to help a child maintain focus on a goal.

3. Value each child as a unique person, a person who is on a personal schedule of development. We need to separate personal worth from accomplishment and mistakes.

4. Encourage independence by helping your child learn to do things for him- or herself. It is being independent that develops confidence and leads to interdependence with others.

How to develop courage is simple. Encourage your child.

Next week: Teaching Humanity

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

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©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Teaching Wisdom and Knowledge

Wisdom and knowledge. Some people mistakenly use these terms interchangeably. Knowledge is the state of familiarity, awareness or understanding gained through experience or study. We know something because we have taken information in through our senses or mind.

Wisdom is the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or lasting. Wisdom is common sense and good judgment. In the words of Henry David Thoreau, ''It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.''

In positive psychology, wisdom and knowledge are defined by five character strengths—creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning and perspective. When we can observe these strengths in a person, we know that the virtues of wisdom and knowledge are being served.

How do we help develop these strengths?

We prepare an environment where self-directed exploration and activity are encouraged. How many companies in the U.S.A were started by garage inventors? Wisdom and knowledge are nourished with the freedom to explore and try new and different things.

We want a place that arouses curiosity. Reading Little Women I came across the term medicinal leeches. Asking my mother, she simply said, “Oh, I can't tell you at the dinner table. It's too gruesome.'' Boy, did that get my curiosity going all the way to the encyclopedia.

We need to nurture creativity. Thomas Edison labored years to design the incandescent light bulb. Of his work Edison remarked, ''Results? Why, man, I have gotten lots of results! If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is often a step forward…'' To nurture creativity, we need to allow exploration and failure as important learning and strength-building activities.

We need to model open-mindedness. A friend of mine brought up in France loves to take the opposite point of view in a discussion. At first I thought she was argumentative until I came across an article that explained how the French educational system encourages debate and discussion on every topic. The favorite pastime in France is to analyze and discuss a subject from all angles. For Americans that method may not seem practical, efficient or necessary. Being able to articulate a perspective other than your own nourishes an open and curious mind. Another friend seems to answer any suggestion with, ''Why not?'' His question creates an opening to gain a fresh insight into an issue.

We need to foster a love of learning. A buzzword in schools today is ''lifelong learners.'' People who are open to growth and change give themselves high ratings on the happiness scale. Happiness in this case was defined as feeling that you are being and acting your true self. When we are creative, curious and open-minded, being open to learning seems to be a natural development.

We need to develop multiple perspectives about our lives. We need to develop the art of the long view, along with short-term strategies. We need to marvel at the scene under the microscope and be overwhelmed with the constellations. As we survey the world from small to large, present to past, and back again, perhaps we can begin to understand how our situation fits in the overall picture of humanity.

Knowledge and wisdom expand in the world when we provide opportunities for our children, our families and our communities to be curious, creative, open-minded, excited about learning and have perspective. With knowledge and wisdom, peace follows. Why not?

Next week: Teaching Courage

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

The Positive Psychology of Childhood

''The families I see day in and day out come to me to fix problems. If they had done some preparation before becoming parents, a lot of pain could have been avoided,'' said Debra, a family psychologist. ''It's much more fun and rewarding to help people learn to create happy families from the beginning, instead of trying to help after something blows up in their faces.''

Debra was talking about using positive psychology to create optimum situations for personal growth. As parents we are in a unique position to help our children learn to be happy, healthy and maintain positive outlooks on life.

The innate nature of the child is to be happy, and we are all born with natural tendencies that aid personal development. We are born with dispositions to love and connect with the adults in our lives, to love our surroundings and to love the natural world. Even a newborn has the inclination toward activity directed by an individual will, a will that constructs a unique human being.

The newborn comes prepared to create a happy life, but obstacles get in the way. Uninformed or misinformed adults for the most part create these impediments to personal development.

Psychology has been dedicated to understanding mental illness. Positive psychology seeks to understand the factors that create happy and healthy ''mindedness.''

Positive psychologists have identified six types of core virtues that appear in all cultures--wisdom and knowledge, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, transcendence--comprised of 24 character strengths:

1. Wisdom and Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective

2. Courage: bravery, persistence, integrity, vitality

3. Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence

4. Justice: citizenship, fairness, leadership

5. Temperance: forgiveness and mercy, humility and modesty, prudence and self-regulation

6. Transcendence: appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humor and spirituality

Debra wanted to help individuals and families understand these 24 character strengths in order to build healthy lives. Knowing our strengths can help us be more engaged in life, find deeper meaning, have higher aspirations, feel more satisfied and even laugh and smile more often, regardless of our circumstances. Being able to identify our strengths and learn how to use them can help us fortify our families, our communities and ourselves. This knowledge creates a foundation for sustaining a positive outlook on life and a resiliency against life's difficulties.

The Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania has an online testing site to assess these 24 strengths in adults and children. Go to www.authentichappiness.com and take the VIA (Virtues in Action) Signature Strengths Questionnaire to assess character strengths. For children, use the VIA Strength Survey for Children.

Strengthen your strengths, and bolster your weaknesses. This is an effective strategy for teaching your children how to use their natural positive tendencies, and it will help all of us play to our positive qualities. Character strengths will create these six virtues that lead to a lifetime of well-being.

Next week: Teaching Wisdom and Knowledge

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Asking for Assistance

Can you help me, please?

These five words seem to be hard for many people to say. In airport check-in lines, at fast food restaurants, or in grocery stores, dissatisfied customers react negatively when someone has neglected to ask, ''May I help you, please?''

At those times when we feel that no one is trying to help us, we need to ask ourselves, ''Did I ask for assistance?''

Teaching our children how to ask for help can help them avoid frustration and dissatisfaction. This is different from asking permission to do something. It is also different from children asking for help and in the process learning helplessness, for example the six-year-old who asks you to tie his shoes instead of trying to do it himself.

Asking for assistance in many ways follow the adage, ''Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.'' When our children ask for our help, they are asking us to ''help me help myself.'' Our assistance whenever possible should be in the form of teaching self-sufficiency.

Human beings have an internal drive to become independent and have a built-in reticence about asking for help or permission. How many of us climbed the kitchen cabinets to get to the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator? Yes, we wanted the cookie, but more so, we wanted to get the cookie by ourselves, without asking for permission or assistance. We were driven more by a desire to be independent than by our desire to satisfy our sweet tooth. Our actions communicated that we weren’t asking for a cookie. We were asking for help in trying to feed ourselves. We were asserting our independence.

In this odd way, by learning to ask for assistance, we actually become more independent. A request for help in reality is requesting, ''Help me do it myself.''

As the adult we stand at the next level of independence for the child. As mentors, we help other adults get to the next level of accomplishment in their lives. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but one of strength and confidence in new or challenging situations. Seeking assistance helps child and adult connect to people who can help us past our limitations.

Let's teach our children a tenet of successful people: Connect to others through asking for assistance in a way that reinforces independent thought and action.

When our child says, ''Draw a circle for me.'' We can rephrase the request: ''Would you like me to show you how to draw a circle? To get help, all you need to do is ask.''

When we see tears and frustration on our child trying to button her coat, we can ask,''May I show you how to button? If you would like some help, all you need to do is ask.''

Show or do. One is help; the other is a hindrance. Help me do it myself. Learning to ask for assistance is part of the path to independence.

Next week: The Positive Psychology of Childhood

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing