Five Dangerous Behaviors

''You must be the change you wish to see in the world.''

~Mahatma Mohandas Gandhi

We have all experienced the person. The person with the negative attitude whose dark cloud metastasizes throughout a relationship, family, business or community, bringing discord, disorder and disaster.

In order to maintain harmonious relationships, Stephen Covey in The 8th Habit says that there are five ''cancerous'' behaviors we need to stop, not only within ourselves, but also in others.

Complaining. Criticizing. Comparing. Competing. Contending. These are five behaviors that destroy relationships.

Complaining. Nothing is ever good enough for the person who complains.

Criticizing. Nobody can ever do anything right for this person.

Comparing. This person compares people or possessions with envy, jealousy or put-downs.

Competing. This person thinks they are better, smarter or richer than everyone else.

Contending. This person tries to make other people look like losers, so he or she can look like a winner. Everything is a competition.

How can we protect our children from developing these attitudes? How can we change negative behaviors?

Be an example of a positive attitude.
My nine-year old friend Caiti told me about her first trip to see the Yankees. Caiti described the game-stopping downpour in the 7th inning. ''Wow!'' she beamed. ''Some people have to go to 10 or 20 games before they get to experience a rained-out inning. I got to see it my first time. Can you believe how lucky I am?'' Bet you Caiti's ability to make lemonade out of lemons began at home.

Realize negative attitudes signal something deeper is happening.
Millicent, an attractive, professional looking salesperson, criticized co-workers' and customers' appearances. Recently divorced, the five cancerous behaviors fed on Millicent's insecurity and damaged self-worth. Among her daily comments: Can you believe her make-up? He sure is a Bozo in that tie. Where did she find those rags?

Millicent's apartment burned to the ground, literally leaving her with only the clothes on her back. All her possessions—make-up, clothes, jewelry, car—were gone and uninsured. Customers and co-workers came to her aid, and Millicent understood that there were people who cared for her, no matter what she looked like or what she had said. Millicent told me, ''I'll never make another unkind remark about someone. You never know what a person has endured. You have to try to look at the real person. We are all worthy of respect.''

Smile and encourage skills.
A person's negativity can seem to be beyond our abilities to comprehend and to change it. The key attributes for affecting positive change in our relationships are to increase knowledge, sharpen skills and alter attitude. We tend to focus on knowledge and attitude when focusing on skill development might be the solution.

Six-year-old Allie refused to write. ''Everyone can write better than me. Please don't make me write,'' Allie cried.

Allie's attitude loomed large, so I smiled and directed Allie to hand-strengthening activities. I encouraged her to draw with colored pencils and to decorate the edges of paper with designs. In a few weeks, her hands developed enough for her to feel successful in writing.

As Allie's skills grew, her outlook improved. In the interim I met her complaints and comparisons with a smile, knowing I could not change her disposition. Focusing on strengthening skills indirectly allowed Allie and me to maintain a harmonious relationship.

When we are up against complaining, criticizing, comparing, competing and contending attitudes, we need to remember to look on the sunny side, seek to understand the root of the behavior and smile while encouraging new skills.

Next week: The Rule of 150

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

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©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Nifty NFTE

''Money doesn't grow on trees.''

~Parenting adage

Financial security is one of the long-term goals parents wish for their children. Being financially secure has connotations of knowing how to make money, how to save money and how to use money to help others. Financially secure suggests that we have a realistic expectation about the amount of work it takes to make a living while being aware of the traps and pitfalls that might become financial hardships.

The National Foundation for Teaching Entrepreneurship (NFTE, pronounced ''nifty'') is geared for student ages 11 to 18 years. An international program, NFTE has had a dramatic effect on helping junior high and high school students learn what it means to start and run a small business, thus allowing these young people to take control of their lives.

Started in 1987 by Steve Marotti, NFTE has helped over 80,000 students learn about becoming financially savvy by starting and working in their own small businesses.

How does it work? In some programs, each student may apply for a loan of $25 to $100 to establish his or her business after a business plan has been formulated and approved. As the students provide services, create products or resell merchandise, they learn basic accounting. Every month each student is required to create an Income and Expense Statement along with a Balance Sheet. Students are also required to give 10% of earnings to a charity and to pay and budget for taxes.

As students become conversant about the financial aspects of running their businesses and thus their lives, these young entrepreneurs become ready to create or join a school-based business.

A Harvard Graduate School of Education longitudinal study of NFTE students in six Boston high schools shows that NFTE participants are increasing their leadership and self-starter skills. NFTE participants are more likely to increase their career aspirations over the course of the school year in comparison to the study's control group.

At E-City, a NFTE affiliate in Cleveland, Ohio, students create individual small businesses—from the more traditional services such as babysitting and lawn care to specialized ventures that sell camo-gear, floral arrangements or even cold bottled water at the zoo.

These personal experiences, with the up-and-down realities of running a business—What? Nobody bought your water today? Customers didn't pay? Somebody stole your merchandise?—are joined together in a group effort of a community garden-based business.

The E-City entrepreneurs sell fresh vegetables from the garden and bottle salsa and spaghetti sauce made from their homegrown produce.

The NFTE E-City program has been so successful in changing the lives of Cleveland inner-city kids that the City of Cleveland, along with NFTE, will open an entrepreneurial school for 6th to 12th graders this summer. The students will start school this summer in order to take financial advantage of the summer growing season.

Through entrepreneurship, students discover that what they are learning at school has real-world relevance. NFTE students find out that money doesn't grow on trees, but on tomato and pepper plants, and through the busy-ness of their own minds and efforts. With their NFTE experiences, students understand that a method of creating wealth and wonderful lives can grow with entrepreneurial spirit and skills.

For more information visit www.ecitycleveland.com and www.nfte.com.

Next week: Five Dangerous Behaviors

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Gardening: Teaching Kids To Love the Earth

''If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.''
~Cicero (106 BC –43 BC)

The look of wonder in a young child's eyes reigns eternal, as the magic of a bean sprouting in a paper cup reveals itself. The bean emerging green from the earth begins a youngster's understanding of a law of the universe: The Law of Abundance. Plant a bean. Protect the sprout. Transplant the seedling into fertile soil. Water it. Wait and watch as the plant matures, producing hundreds or thousands of new beans. Abundance.

As we garden with children we help unveil the wonder of life. In return, the child's excitement and joy renews our own delight in the earth.

From the beginning, we intuitively know the power that resides in the soil of our planet. ''Might I have a bit of earth,'' Mary asks in The Secret Garden. In this classic story, Mary's instincts lead her to dig in the dirt and nurture sprouting plants. The mysterious force that Mary finds in the garden heals, not only herself, but everyone around her.

The truth in the proverb, ''He who plants a garden plants happiness,'' is revealed in the story of The Secret Garden and each and every time we plant a seed and nourish life.

Gardening involves a myriad of activities that enchant children. Digging in the dirt. Shoveling mulch. Raking gravel. Looking under rocks. Deadheading flowers. Using a watering can. Placing tendrils around poles or trellis openings. Washing pots. Filling and pushing a miniature wheelbarrow. And of course, harvesting and storing the crops. Children, who would never eat a cooked green bean off a dinner plate, devour handpicked pods from the vine.

Think back on your experiences in your backyard or garden and try to give them to your children. Jot down those ideas and create them.

Children love hiding spaces. Beanpole teepees make a cozy spot, especially if a stepping-stone is added to the center. Sunflower rooms can be made by planting four or five rows of sunflowers around a square, leaving the interior for a secret space. A morning glory roof can be added to your house of flowers.

Make sure your yard has ''a bit of earth'' that can be enjoyed just for digging. Child-sized gardening trowels can be purchased inexpensively at your local discount store. Three or four square feet of defined digging space will be a joy to your young child.

Remember, safety comes first. Be sure to show your child how to be safe with tools. A few common sense rules help gardening to run smoothly. No running with tools in your hand. No throwing tools. No hitting other people with tools. Or one concise positively stated rule: Always use tools properly and safely.

A steady regimen of rules and routine can destroy a young gardener's enthusiasm. Better to enter the garden in an adventurous and expectant mood in search of miracles. A bud opening. A butterfly in a chrysalis. A worm crawling. A bee gathering pollen. Tasting the first strawberry of the year.

Four square feet or four hundred square feet, it doesn't matter the size. Garden with your children. You will be planting happiness.

For more information about gardening with children visit www.kidsgardening.com. Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots by Sharon Lovejoy is a favorite inspirational book for gardening with children.

Happy parenting!

Next week: Nifty NFTE

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Balancing Parenthood

Every now and then go away,
Have a little relaxation,
For when you come back to your work
Your judgment will be surer;
Since to remain constantly at work
Will cause you to lose power of judgment.

Go some distance away
Because the work appears smaller
And more of it
Can be taken in at a glance,
And a lack of harmony
Or proportion
Is more readily seen.

~Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519)

''Heather is five years old, and I've never left her. Not a night away. Not a babysitter,'' Betsy said as though it were a badge of honor.

The joy we experience as new parents bonds us to our children. We want to be close. To provide food and protection, we must be nearby. Babies and young children require holding and hugging to feel loved. To meet these childhood needs, parents have two basic tasks. We have to invest time with our children, and we have to be able to see each child's point of view.

From the moment of conception, parents balance personal needs and desires with the needs of their unborn child. We eat right. We avoid unhealthy substances. We try to think pleasant thoughts. We listen to whale songs. We get extra sleep. We buy hundreds of dollars of baby supplies.

Caring for a newborn and ourselves takes 110% of our time. A newborn depends totally on his or her mother and father. The mother depends on the father for strength and encouragement. These new relationships consume us, as well they should.

Parenting is an intense and satisfying activity with a ''gotchya.'' The ''gotchya''--parents are to produce an independent adult from a helpless seven-pound being. We have to go from caring for an infant who needs us 24 hours a day to being the parent of adult who doesn't need us at all.

Parents tell us they want their adult children to possess these qualities:
Happiness, confidence, independence, responsibility, respectfulness, a loving and giving nature, excitement about life, self-motivation, lifelong-learning, financial security, empathy, compassion, integrity and being a world-citizen.

These attributes are the long-term goals we have for our children, and not surprisingly, for ourselves.

Our children can achieve these attributes, if we consider two questions:
1. What do our children need, and how can we meet their needs?
2. Are we focused more on our children's behavior than their needs?

Focusing on our children's needs to help achieve our long-term goals means that we have to relinquish control of the process. We have to focus on needs instead of behavior. Because in the end, the process of child rearing is not about what we want. It's about what our children need to become fully functioning adults.

Betsy's comment about never spending a night away from her daughter made me wonder whose needs were being served, mother's or daughter's. It is important to know that ''every now and then'' we need to step away from our work to get a perspective and to see if all is in proportion. As a friend of mine says, ''Take a reality check.''

Let's take Da Vinci's advice to ''have a little relaxation'' and make the time to step back from our work with our children. It should help us get a view of the big picture and ''enhance our power of judgment'' to see what our children need in their journeys to adulthood.

Next week: Gardening: Teaching Love for the Earth

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

The Power of Family Stories

''Every family, every college, every corporation, every institution needs tribal storytellers. The penalty for failing to listen is to lose one's history, one's historical context, one's binding values.''

~Max DePree, The Art of Leadership

On Christmas Eve, the cousins chose to watch The Sound of Music. This surprised me, as the cousins' ages range from pre-teen to 20-somethings. Within a few minutes, though, three generations were engrossed in a musical that might not be considered cool or masculine.

But what a powerful story. A family making a decision to leave a home and country that they dearly loved. A father having the courage to know that ''flight'' instead of ''fight'' was essential for the survival of his family. Through their story, we know the values that the Von Trapps considered vital and the price they were willing to pay to live by their standards.

Each of us, every family, has stories that communicate the essence of who we are, what we stand for and how we've survived tough times. We need to find these stories and use them.

Evelyn Clark, author of Around the Corporate Campfire, coaches business leaders to use their stories to inspire success in their company and to communicate values and expectations.

David Armstrong of Armstrong International loves to tell the story of ''The Day I Paid $248,000 to Play a Round of Golf.'' Doesn't that make some of our mistakes look, well, small?

David Armstrong's assistant general manager made a decision to purchase equipment for the cost of $248,000 while his boss was out on the golf course one morning. The manager was authorized to spend $20,000. Even though his manager had gone 12 times over his spending limit, Armstrong didn't fire this employee.

Why? Because the manager took the initiative to buy machines he knew would be needed when the supplier called with an offer for almost new equipment. When the manager learned that another company was interested, he made an on-the-spot decision. His decisiveness saved Armstrong International significant money, enabled them to catch up on a backlog of orders and provided better customer service. That's why David Armstrong loves to tell his $248,000 golf story. It communicates his values. Armstrong uses this story to celebrate decision-making and risk-taking abilities within his organization.

Stories can be powerful teaching tools for our families. We have tales that can help our children understand who we are, who they are, our expectations for them and how our family meets adversity.

You might think you don't have a history as powerful as the Von Trapp or Armstrong stories, but you do. Each of us has vital experiences we need to explore, tell and retell.

How do we find these stories? Begin by thinking about some of these ideas:

1. What was one of your most embarrassing moments? How did you act? How did you overcome it?

2. What was your happiest moment? How long did it last? How do you retain or recreate that happiness?

3. What was your saddest moment?

4. When did you make a bad decision? What were the consequences? How did you work through the consequences?

Our stories can help our children learn to be resilient, honest, courageous, compassionate, strong, resourceful and more. Powerful stories tell about deeply held beliefs, an individual's philosophy of life and mission, thus giving a reason for being.

The story of Odysseus in Homer's The Odyssey remains a classic because the myth addresses beliefs, philosophy and mission. Odysseus' decisions, good and bad, create life-threatening predicaments. In the original cliffhanger, Odysseus survives to return home, only to discover more difficulties.

To understand how a story communicates convictions, the Puffin Classic version of The Odyssey is a worthwhile out loud family read.

We are on an odyssey, an amazing adventure. Let's tell tales to convey our family's history, context and values.

Next week: Balancing Parenthood

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing