1969…1969…1969…

It was a bathroom mirror moment--one of those instants where you stand between two mirrors and see yourself patterned to infinity.

Mindy, our neighborhood babysitter, sorted pennies by date with my daughters, then three and five years old. I walked in from the dentist office, minus two wisdom teeth. I'll admit I wasn't at the top of my game.

''Here is a 1969,'' Mindy said. ''The year I was born.''

''But you aren't old enough to be born in 1969,'' I said. ''That means I could have babysat you.''

Mindy, too polite to say ''Duh!'' smiled at me. ''I really was born in 1969.''

The mirrors in my mind swung into place, and I glimpsed a pattern. The children I babysat could be my children's babysitters. In these reflected images I saw that my daughters could be Mindy's children babysitters. And Mindy's children could babysit my grandchildren. And my grandchildren could….

I had to sit down. My head hurt. I never realized babysitting had so many complicated interconnections.

Flash forward to 1996. ''It's weird,'' my eighth-grade daughter said at dinner one night. ''I found out today that four of my teachers are 27 years old. Weird. Four teachers born in 1969.''

Once more a mirrored moment showed me another connection in the pattern. My daughters' babysitters were now their junior-high teachers. My daughters would soon be babysitting their children.

I saw links going backwards. I followed connections forward.

The children I babysat in 1969 were now my children's teachers. The 1969er's children would soon be in my classroom. The three-year-olds that were in my classroom might babysit my yet-to-be born grandchildren. And be their teachers. Yikes, Did I have some work to do!

At that moment, how I wished I had been a better babysitter. How I wished I'd coached my babysitters more. I hadn't realized they would be teaching my children for years to come. Had I taught my daughters enough so they could do their parts as babysitters, students, teachers, parents…etc.? Was I keeping my eye on my goals and purposes?

Our connections go deep and long. Each of us creates a pattern that travels forward and backwards. All of us have important roles to play in the lives of many people, whether we realize it or not. We each form a vital link in the continuing drama of human beings. Our jobs as student and teacher, parent and child, employer and employee, forge generations of relationships. As we move from role to role, we can only do the best we know how and endeavor to do our parts with love and respect for those people in our lives.

Because our children are our grandchildren's parents. To infinity and beyond.

Next week: Shoe Leather Is Cheap

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
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©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Help with Stuttering

''Kate has started to stutter. What should I do? How can I help her?'' Doug, father to three-year-old Kate, asked.

As we develop spoken language, stuttering is a symptom of expressive skills lagging behind receptive language skills. If we think about receptive language being our reservoir of words and understanding, and expressive language as the pump and hose used to move words from our language reservoir to the outside world, stuttering is a kink in this hose of expressive language.

Children and adults understand more than we have words to express. It is part of the human condition. What we understand is called receptive language. What we speak is our expressive language.

The young child has a pool of receptive language and understanding trying to be expressed with developing skills. The right word at the right time can get stuck somewhere along the path from the brain to the mouth.

How do we help the child who is trying to enlarge his expressive vocabulary? What should we do when words get hung up along the way?

First, refrain from using the word stuttering. It places undue importance on a short-term language situation. When a child gets stuck on a word, he or she needs more time to express him or herself. We need to listen patiently, make eye contact and smile. We need to speak in an unhurried manner. If you have an idea of what your child is trying to say, go ahead and say it, with a question added to confirm your communication. For example, ''You're sad that grandmother had to go home. Is that right?''

Expressive language, in all of us, is challenged by several factors. These include emotions, an underdeveloped memory of how to pronounce the words and a weak ability to form certain sounds. By observation you can see when your child is most apt to get stuck on a word. Does it happen at bedtime? When he or she is hungry? Emotional? Does the situation occur with certain words or sounds such as r's, th's or t's?

With this information you'll be better prepared to offer help to your child.

Here are some suggestions to help your child develop stronger expressive language skills:

Sing with your child. Encourage your child to sing along to as many songs as possible. Singing uses both sides of the developing brain and aids in memory, language development and emotional control. The Wee Sing series offers a fun way to learn new songs.

Use nursery rhymes and poems to help develop speaking in long sentences and paragraphs. Nursery rhymes serve the child's need to develop expressive language, memory and movement--one reason nursery rhymes have endured for hundreds of years.

Teach words to express emotion. Start with ''happy,'' ''sad,'' ''mad,'' ''scared'' and ''powerless.'' Being able to use a word to express the emotion that is blocking expressive language helps create richer language and vocabulary.

Use vocabulary cards to help build spoken and visual memory. Sets of cards, either store-bought or handmade, can help your child fix in memory a spoken word with its corresponding picture. This information helps your child retrieve words more easily.

Practice making certain sounds. If the ''r'' sound keeps your child from speaking fluently, sing songs like ''Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' or ''Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'' using only the syllable ''rah'' for any words.

These fun activities enlarge expressive language skills, allowing your child to reveal his or her uniqueness.

For more information about stuttering, see www.stutteringhelp.org and www.nsastutter.org.

Next week: 1969…1969…1969

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

When All Else Fails, Sing

Don't forget to look for special bonus Kids Talk Songs following this week's column!

The dot on my hand darkened to black, deep black.

Wearing a plastic mood dot was part of my stress management class. If all went well, the dot shone blue. If not, it turned shades of bluish-black, to midnight.

In my preschool class, over the course of a couple of weeks, I noticed that certain events and activities turned my dot black--events that most moms and dads face everyday.

Transition times headed up my list of stressful moments. Moving from one activity to another, such as work time to lunchtime, lunch to recess, recess back to class and dismissals. Most parents report that going from one event to another (for example, from getting dressed to breakfast, breakfast to school, school to home or bath to bed) reigns as the times of day that their ''black dot'' appears.

Other black-dot instances coincided with those unpredictable moments that we have with children where everything can be calm and peaceful and then change to chaos, for no apparent reason, in a blink of an eye.

Determined to figure out how to create blue-dot moments, I kept a daily log. When I was actively involved giving lessons, reading a book out loud or singing, the mood dot showed blue skies. During interruptions, phone calls and transition times, storm clouds brewed across my dot, and I felt my impatience and grumpiness emerge.

Deciding to follow the advice of the old song, I became determined to ''accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative,'' to use my blue-sky activities to full advantage and to try to eliminate that stormy weather.

Interruptions and phone calls I minimized by setting limits. For transition times, I ventured to find a song or two for each changeover of activity. As we sang while changing activities, I noted that my mood dot stayed blue and could change from black to blue in less than 30 seconds.

In moments of chaotic classroom meltdown, when it would have been easier to yell, ''Please be quiet,'' I sang. Serendipitously, I found that when I sang in another language, the group quieted in seconds. I busied myself learning several songs in Spanish and German. My one Chinese song, though, consistently calms any preschool group. How? Developing language in preschoolers creates a fascination for new words, and they will stop to listen to something unfamiliar.

For transition times, I used songs such as ''Mary Wore Her Red Dress'' and ''Willabee Wallaby Wee'' to dismiss children one by one to a new activity. There were songs for clean-up time (One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, let's finish up, it's clean-up time). For lunch, we sang, ''This is the way we get ready for lunch.''

These songs helped create a routine and relieved my stress as well as the children's tension. Newcomers to the classroom adapted quickly with musical cues to aid in their assimilation.

Expectations become clear with our musical routine.

Here's wishing you blue-sky dots and days. Remember, when things start to get you down, sing.

Next week: Help with Stuttering

Special complimentary bonus for our readers: For the lyrics to Maren's transition songs in PDF format, along with a downloadable QuickTime file of Maren singing the songs, see below:

Kids Talk Transition Song Lyrics
(PDF 256K) | Download free player

Kids Talk Sing-A-Long
(WAV Audio File 12.3MB) | Download free player

Happy parenting!

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Some Alternatives to Saying ''No''

There are some days in February that seem as if all we do as parents is say ''no.''

''No, Susan can't spend the night. Your brother has the flu.''

''No, you cannot go bike riding right now. It's dark.''

''No, we can't go to the mall. It's supposed to start snowing soon.''

Bad weather, illnesses and long nights seem to conspire to make the shortest month of the year the longest.

Add to this wintry mix children who, when hearing the word ''no,'' see it as a call to arms, as a personal attack on their independence, and turn all their pent-up energy and frustrations toward their parents. These children have tantrums, screams, call names, stomp off, slam doors and pout. I hope none of these darlings have been at your house, but if needed, read on.

How can we stand firm when we must answer negatively to a request, while at the same time side-step confrontation, maintain harmony in the household and allow our children to preserve their independence and dignity? Did I include, ''retain our sanity?''

Here are some helpful hints from the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. First published in 1980, this book was one of the first on my parenting shelves, and I wouldn't doubt that I purchased it in February.

Give information.
When met with a situation, we can give information that will help the child figure out that right now is not a good time.

For, ''Mom, can I invite Jimmy over to play?'' instead of saying, ''No, you can't,'' give decision-making facts.

''Dinner will be ready in ten minutes.''

You don't have to say no, and your child should have enough information to see that the answer is in fact ''no.''

Accept feelings.
Sometimes we can lessen our children's disappointment or frustration if they sense we understand their feelings.

''But Dad, I don't want to go to bed right now.''

Instead of ''no,'' we might say, ''I can understand if it were up to you, you would stay up all night, so you wouldn't miss a thing.''

Describe the problem.
''Mom, can Lucy spend the night?''

''I'd like to say yes, but your grandparents are coming this weekend.''

Give yourself time to think.
Your child says, ''Dad, can I have a horse at my birthday party?''

You can respond, ''Let me think about it, please.''

When possible, substitute a ''yes'' for a ''no.''
Your child asks, ''Can we go to the mall''

Instead of saying, ''No, I've got to finish the laundry,'' you could say, ''Yes, just as soon as the laundry is folded and put away.''

These suggestions may seem like a lot of work and the hard way to say ''no.'' But considering some of the drama we may encounter, sometimes the high road is the shortcut to where we want to go.

If none of these work for you, there is always, ''Because I said so.'' Then we can move to other languages: Nein. Nichts. Non. Nej. Nyet.

Happy Parenting!

Next week: When All Else Fails, Sing

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Removing Obstacles to Development

If we wanted to raft the Grand Canyon, how would we prepare for the trip?

Depending on our experience level, we might arrange for a guide to navigate us down the river. We'd want to learn about the nature and force of the river. We would want to be familiar with dangerous parts of the river. We might practice some drills in case of mishaps, such as what to do if the raft flips. We would want to be as prepared as possible.

In the course of our lives, we will experience a variety of challenges, some as fast and treacherous as rapids, waterfalls, whirlpools or hydraulics--or as monotonous and slow as pools and eddies.

Isn't life like that? We want it to be challenging enough to be exhilarating, to feel like an adventure. When events happen abruptly, things can become dangerous or overwhelming; too slow, and we are bored out of our minds.

What are some of the hazards we'll meet in our children's development? There are two basic kinds of obstacles. One type is external to us. External obstacles act like the water, rock and boulders in a river. Internal factors, such as personality, knowledge, experience, attitude, character, etc., make up our other obstructions.

How do we recognize that a child is facing a challenge? When a child is not developing concentration or independence, we should begin looking for a source, either outside the child's control or as part of the child's internal make-up.

Lack of independence and concentration can take on a variety of forms, much like water in a river. For the child with high energy and strong personality, obstacles may precipitate turbulent and explosive behavior. For the quiet child, the obstacle may thwart the child's progress, as if he or she were caught in a backwater eddy.

External Factors
Looking at external sources of obstacles, we need to ask the following:

1. Does the child's environment offer an opportunity to work in peace and dignity to develop him or herself?

2. Does the environment offer a wide social experience?

3. Does the environment offer protection from physical and psychological abuse?

4. Does the environment offer adequate challenges for personal growth?

Internal Factors
When considering internal factors, ask these questions:

1. Is your child an optimist or a pessimist? An introvert or an extrovert?
Research shows that parental guidance can help a pessimistic or quiet child develop a cheerful or more outgoing life.

2. What developmental stage is your child?
About every three years in the growth of a child, there are profound changes in how and what the child learns. Be aware of these stages.

3. Is the child having a physical response to the environment?

Is the lack of concentration or independence due to allergies, illness, learning or perceptual differences, hearing, vision, diet, sleep, changes in routine, visitors in the house, family member out of town, death in the family, birth of a sibling, arguments in the family, television viewing or video/computer games?

Observe the child at work and play. Is the child's observable behavior inhibiting independence or concentration? If yes, examine the external and internal factors of the situation. Decide a plan of action. We can stop the behavior by removing the obstacle or by taking the child away from the obstacle.

Johnny was failing math until he started using graph paper to keep the numbers in line. Kayla missed weeks of school due to being allergic to the classroom rabbit. Kevin had given up trying to read because his best friend called him stupid. Mary's grades dropped in a nine-week period while she complained she couldn't see the chalkboard. Steven started a fight every night at bedtime with his father when his dad had been out of town the previous week. Deena threw tantrums about toilet training because she was afraid of falling into the toilet. Obstacles are common, varied and frequent.

With planning we can avoid many obstacles, and there will be situations we cannot anticipate. Understanding the nature of obstacles and the nature of the child may help us ''row, row, row our boat, gently down the stream.''

Next week: Some Alternatives to Saying ''No''

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a free subscription.

©2006 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing