Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Prepared Environment

“The environment itself will teach the child, if every error he makes is manifest to him, without the intervention of a parent or teacher, who should remain a quiet observer of all that happens.”
~Dr. Maria Montessori

“Pretend that you just found out that you’ll have to be in a wheelchair for a year, possibly longer. What adjustment would you have to make to your home to accommodate this change?

This week crawl around your house, through every room, and make a list of changes that you would make. That’s your homework. See you next week.”

Off I went on my hands and knees, antennae up. The things we do as parents. As I crawled, though, I developed some insight into what it might be like to be small and not able to take care of myself.

On the floor, it was not pretty. My kitchen was a dark canyon, with workspace out of reach. Food and dishes were in the upper cabinets. The refrigerator was inaccessible. Unless I tilted my head way back, there was nothing attractive to see. All my favorite art posters looked distorted from this vantage point.

The dining room was a forest of chair legs. The living room was easier to maneuver, but the couches and chairs were impossible to climb into without standing up. The coffee table and end tables were at a dangerous and eye-poking height.

In the bedroom, I couldn’t get into bed by myself. I couldn’t open my dresser or the closet doors. In the bathroom, I couldn’t climb onto the toilet, reach the sink or easily get into the bathtub, much less adjust the showerhead. I snagged my pants on the transition piece between the bathroom and hallway.

Negotiating the steps to the garage was treacherous. The trip was rough and dusty, and my hands, along with my clothes, got filthy. The stairs off our wood deck were steep and full of splinters.

Dirty. That was my overall impression of crawling around. With weekly cleaning, I considered my home to be tidy. On my four-legged journey, I discovered grimy lower cabinets, crumbs in the corners, fuzz balls, scribbling under the dining room table (which still surprises me to this day) and splattered windows.

The only objects of interest on this expedition were a bowl and magazines on the coffee table. Pictures and mirrors were hung too high to have any esthetic impact. Doorknobs and light switches were unreachable. The floor was cold and the thermostat might as well been on Mt. Everest. Food and drink were invisible.

In my home, I discovered a lowland where I wouldn’t want to live. My children were going to spend many years in this land under the table.

Our next parenting session focused on preparing a child-friendly environment. Crawling along four months pregnant with our second daughter opened my eyes about creating a special place for our children. A child-friendly environment would give my children a home where they could live in dignity and tranquility while learning to manage independently on their own, along with having their own space to work and have meaningful experiences. Experiences beyond finding fuzz balls in the corners.

My husband and I moved the dishes in the kitchen to lower cabinets and found a shelf for snacks. We installed a bottled water dispenser, so our toddler could get her own water easily. We put a small table with chairs in our kitchen and set up a low shelf with puzzles, blocks and other activities.

In the living room we removed the sharp cornered tables and found a Japanese style square coffee table. We added floor pillows, lowered our artwork, put extenders on our light switches and added interesting touchable items to the room, such as woodcarvings and baskets of dominoes and wooden blocks.

In the bathroom we added a plastic step stool that our one-year-old could move to wash her hands, and later brush her teeth and reach the toilet.

In the girls’ bedroom, we placed a twin mattress on the floor. We bought a light comforter, so Dana could learn to make the bed herself. We removed the closet doors and added lower shelving and rods, so the girls could hang up their own clothes and dress themselves.

Of course, we also child-proofed cabinets, electrical outlets and moved the “untouchables” to higher cabinets or closets.

These are a few of the efforts we made to prepare a home for our daughters, now in their twenties and in their own homes. To paraphrase a Zen proverb: The journey of a thousand smiles begins with a single crawl.

Next Week: Providing Structure in the Life of a Child

Kids Talk is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 20 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
http://www.shininglightreading.com/enews.html

©KIDS TALK™
925 N.W. Hoyt #532
Portland, OR 97209
503.274.9788
maren@comcast.net

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Don’t Be a Dolt

“I can’t tell you ‘cause you’re a dolt,” Kenny said through his sniffles.

“A dolt?” I thought. What did I do to be called a dolt by a kindergartner in my Sunday school class? I took a deep breath and ventured into unknown territory.

“Kenny, what do you mean, a dolt?”

“You know, a grown-up.”

“Oh, I see. An adult,” That was a relief.

“Mike said if I told a dolt, it would be tattling, and then he’d really pinch me.”

Our Sunday school group was walking back from the Children’s Sermon portion of the service when Kenny had burst into tears. Kenny and I were talking in the hallway while my co-teacher took the rest of the group into our classroom for snack.

I was down on my knees, eye level with Kenny. This looked like an “active listening” moment.

Active listening is a set of skills that allows adults to help a child handle the child’s own problems. Active listening is called for in a situation in which the child owns the problem, or in which the child and the adult share responsibility.

The following five skills are involved in active listening:
1. Listen actively. Be all ears, and restate what you understand.
2. Listen for content.
3. Connect feeling to content.
4. Look for alternatives and/or predict consequences.
5. Follow up.

“So you’re upset and hurt because Mike pinched you?” I asked.

“He pinches me every Sunday in church. Mike says, ‘Bet I can make you squirm.’” Kenny’s upper lip quivered.

“Mike is pinching you in church trying to get you to misbehave.”

“He’s supposed to be my friend,” Kenny hiccupped.

“It feels bad when a friend tries to get you to do the wrong thing.”

Kenny nodded. “Please don’t tell Mike. He said if I tattled he wouldn’t be my friend.”

“Would you like me to make sure that Mike doesn’t sit next to you during the children’s sermon?” I asked.

“But he’s my friend.”

“Is there something else we can try, so he won’t bother you?”

Kenny looked straight at me. "I think I need to tell him to stop. That it’s not okay to pinch me.”

“Would you like me to be there when you tell Mike?”

“No, but I think I’ll tell my mom.” Kenny wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Kenny, let me know how it goes when you tell Mike that it’s not okay to pinch you.”

“Okay. I’m ready for cookies.” Kenny turned and walked into the room.

Since Kenny and I shared responsibility for his situation, I listened and kept his confidence from Mike. From my end, as an adult, I took the responsibility to make sure that Kenny felt safe.

I visited with Kenny's and Mike’s mothers about the situation. I mailed Mike a note telling him that friends used their hands to help other people, and mentioned ways I had seen him help.

Active listening helps keep communication open and can assist us from reacting with some of the following responses:
1. Commanding. “Stop the crying, Kenny.”
2. Give advice. “Just don’t sit by Mike.”
3. Placate or distract. “Go have a cookie, two cookies.”
4. Moralize. “I’ll tell Mike that is wrong.”
5. Use sarcasm. “Aren’t you a crybaby.”
6. Act like a know-it-all. “Just tell Mike to stop it.”
7. Play psychologist. “Mike’s having some problems right now.”

These kinds of responses can block communication and not help the child learn to solve the problem independently. Don’t be a dolt. Practice active listening.

Next week: The Prepared Environment

Kids Talk is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 20 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
http://www.shininglightreading.com/enews.html

©KIDS TALK™
925 N.W. Hoyt #532
Portland, OR 97209
503.274.9788
maren@comcast.net

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Santa Claus: Making the Invisible Visible

“I’ve never gotten a present from Santa Claus,” said Iliana, my 12-year-old seatmate on an east coast flight. “My parents thought I should only be given verifiable facts. They told me there is no veracity in Santa Claus.”

“It’s too bad that no one ever told your parents about the Secret of Santa Claus. When you know the Secret, you believe in Santa Claus all your life, even if you can’t verify facts,” I said.

“You believe in Santa Claus? What secret?”

“It’s simple, but…”

“Please, tell me,” Iliana said.

“We’re flying on a plane right now. Who built this plane? Who designed it? Who got it ready to fly? Who trained our pilots? We know that someone had to do it, and with some research we could find those people. We won’t though. We’ll never meet those people. I’ll call them invisible workers since they work to give us something we couldn’t do alone.”

I took a sip of coffee. “There are thousands of invisible workers for almost everything we use. I have no idea who planted the beans for this cup of coffee, or who picked them, roasted them and packaged them. I can only thank our flight attendant, the last person in this invisible line of people.”

“I have faith,” I continued, “that when I wish to fly on an airplane, or have a cup of coffee, these unknown people will have done their jobs, and my desires will come true. I don’t have to grow my own coffee beans or build my own airplane because of all these wonderful people.”

“So you’re saying that Santa Claus is an invisible worker?” said Iliana.

“I see Santa Claus being all these people in the world, who strive to serve humankind, to make life more enjoyable, more comfortable, more magical. I will never see these people who do so many things for me, but they are most assuredly real.

"When I understood this, and I was older than 12, I wanted to be that helpful kind of person. In the first stage of believing in Santa Claus, when we’re little, we’re on the receiving end. When we live the secret, we are on the giving side, which is fun.

"Being like Santa, which is doing our jobs with cheerful intention to help others, makes amazing things happen, such as flying at 30,000 feet at 500 miles an hour, while sipping coffee, and talking to you about Santa Claus.”

“I get it. Once you know how Santa works, you become Santa Claus. You do your regular stuff with love in your heart, and try to help others but not expecting anything in return. Santa is people helping people. I’m pretty sure nobody told my parents that,” Iliana said. “I think I’m going to have some fun being an invisible worker.”

I was hoping I could show Iliana that Santa is that invisible force of faith, charity, believing and doing that cannot be easily explained. For the young child, one way we can help them see and experience this force is in Santa’s work.

As the young child enters a developmental stage of reasoning, around age six, and begins to wonder about Santa, we need to give them opportunities to work and contribute to something bigger than themselves. We need to show them how to choose to be part of the magical power of giving, service and surprise.

As we walked off the plane, Iliana said, “I’m so excited about Santa Claus. I’ve already got some great ideas. I think this feeling is what the saying ‘it is more blessed to give than to receive’ means. Boy, are my parents and a few other people going to be surprised.”

Iliana spied her grandparents and started singing “Here Comes Santa Claus.” They laughed and said, ‘What are you so happy about?”

As I walked away, Iliana waved and winked at me, then answered, “It’s a secret.”

Next week: Don’t Be a Dolt

Kids Talk is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 20 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
http://www.shininglightreading.com/enews.html

©KIDS TALK™
925 N.W. Hoyt #532
Portland, OR 97209
503.274.9788
maren@comcast.net

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Real Toys for Real Kids

“What do you want for Christmas?” I remember asking my fourteen-month old. Since she could say “momma” and “dada,” I thought, for some unknown reason, she could communicate her perfect Christmas gift as we walked down the aisles of the toy store.

There have been many gift-giving holidays during which I’ve watched children play with boxes, paper and ribbon longer than new playthings. The most advertised toys seem to top our children’s wish lists. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, as manufacturers spend over 12 billion a year advertising to pre-schoolers.

What is the purpose of a toy? To babysit? To help a child develop thinking, creative and physical skills? To allow a child to explore and understand the world? What do children need in toys to help develop important skills?

Are we as a culture creating an environment that disconnects our children from sensory experiences that are critical for development?

In The Age of Missing Information, Bill McKibben recounts watching every channel of one day’s worth of cable television programming. It took him one year of all-day viewing to watch one day of cable show offerings.

McKibben describes the disconnection he felt with real life, along with sensory deprivation. He craved “three-dimensional” experiences. He wanted information that was missing from the TV screen. For McKibben no television show surpassed the sensory experience of swimming in a mountain lake on a summer afternoon, using muscles and his mind to solve a problem, cook food or visit friends.

Twenty years ago the autism rate in the U.S. was 1 in 2500 children. The rate, now reported by the CDC, shows a rate as high as 1 in 150 in some areas of the country. I think it is not a coincidence that the rise in autism (communication disorder) coincides with the rise of the use of TV, computers and video games to occupy our children’s minds.

We are creating environments that lack vital connections to our earth, that provide too few opportunities for the hand and the mind to work together in a three-dimensional, multi-sensory way and that do not allow interaction with people.

Here are suggestions for “toys” that will help our children connect to our earth, use the hand and mind together, and allow for family interaction. You won’t see them advertised. Your children won’t ask for them, but these items will help your children in significant ways:
  • Child-size brooms and cleaning supplies
  • Whisk rooms
  • Watering cans
  • Flower vases
  • Wheelbarrows
  • Gardening tools
  • Gardening gloves
  • Bolt board
  • Lacing cards
  • Potholder looms
  • Bead stringing
  • Children’s cookbook
  • Rubber-band board
  • Musical instruments, glockenspiel
  • Art supplies
  • Chalkboards
  • Potholder looms
  • Books
  • Puzzles
  • Magnifying glass
A favorite catalog for “real” toys is For Small Hands. For more ideas, visit www.forsmallhands.com.

Next week: Santa Claus: Making the Invisible Visible

Kids Talk is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 20 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
http://www.shininglightreading.com/enews.html

©KIDS TALK™
925 N.W. Hoyt #532
Portland, OR 97209
503.274.9788
maren@comcast.net

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Creating Phonemic Awareness

Around age two-and-a-half to three, your child becomes aware that words are made up of individual sounds. This skill is called phonemic awareness.

"Phonemic" comes from the word “phonics,” which means sounds. When you help your children become aware of the individual sounds in words, you are helping them develop a very important skill for reading success.

Remember, children have an innate ability for language development, and so phonemic awareness can be created in such an easy way that you could even call it “child’s play.” No teaching required, just fun and games.

One of the activities, or games, that you can do with your child is the “I Spy Game.” This is played very much like the game you used to play as a child where you said, “I spy something green.”

To help create phonemic awareness, you are going instead to say, “I spy something that begins with the 'b' sound.”

The challenge is to know how to make the “b” sound. Here’s how. The letter name for “b” is pronounced “bee.” The sound of “b” is more like “buh.”

Try saying the word “ball” and stopping yourself after you get the “b” sound out. The “uh” part of “buh” is very, very soft, and if you can say it without any “uh” sound, that is even better.

The variations of the I Spy Game are endless, and you can play it on the spur of the moment. For this reason, it is a great car and restaurant game. You can play with parts of the body, clothing, names, things in a room, etc. Just remember that the object of the game is to help your child learn to hear individual sounds in words. He or she can’t win or lose! Only learn phonemic awareness.

To play the game, you might say, “I spy something that begins with the 'n' sound.” Your child says, “Tree!” Instead of saying, “No, you’re wrong,” kindly say, “Tree starts with a 't' sound.”

I’m thinking of something on your face that begins with an "n." You can even point to your nose! If your child still doesn’t say the word nose, touch your nose and say, “I was thinking of nose.”

Remember the object is to create awareness of sounds in a fun way that assures success. Play the “I Spy Game” every day. As your child progresses, make the game more challenging by doing ending sounds. “I spy something that ends with a “t.” ” Yes, it’s 'cat.'”

Internal sounds are the most difficult to hear so do them last. “I spy something with an 'o' sound.” “Yes, I was thinking of “dog.” You will be amazed how quickly your child can hear the different sounds of our language.

Your child will take this skill of phonemic awareness along with letter/sound recognition and become a successful reader.

Here is a list of words whose initial sounds will help you make the sounds of each letter.

a apple
b ball
c cat
d dog
e egg
f fox
g go
h hot
i igloo
j jump
k kick
l lick
m mom
n not
o otter
p pot
q quilt
r rock
s snake
t take
u up
v van
w wagon
x x-ray, box
y yes
z zoo

Next week: Real Toys for Real Kids

Kids Talk is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 20 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
http://www.shininglightreading.com/enews.html

©KIDS TALK™
925 N.W. Hoyt #532
Portland, OR 97209
503.274.9788
maren@comcast.net